I’m Human

Get ready for another all-too-real entry of Raina’s journal that I’m sharing because, well actually I’m not sure why I’m sharing it. Maybe just to say that I’m real. I’m human. I have doubts. I get jealous. I just want the attention of the world ok. Is that too much to ask?

I live in an almost constant state of jealousy. I want to be the center of attention at all times. I want my phone to be ringing off the hook with all of the people who want to hang out with me. I want to have a circle of people around me at all times, keeping me company and laughing at my jokes. Seeing two friends hanging out without me can send me into a tailspin. Not outwardly of course because I’m a classy woman with self control (not). But it distracts me from whatever i am doing. even if i could not have hung out anyways, I still want to be invited. I want them to be snapchatting me, saying that they wished I was there. I want them to be face timing me because I can’t be there in person. Why am I like this? IDK. Is it normal? IDK. Am i just super self involved and want to be the center of attention? Most likely

I’m not sure why I’m even writing this or if I’ll publish it. Perhaps it is triggered by the presence of social media and everything being sugarcoated and plastered on snapchat and instagram. Either way, I want your love and I want it now

Sincerely,

The attention whore formally known as Raina

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I’m a Mess. Please Hire Me 

I am applying to begin student teaching in the fall. As i was in the shower today, these words just came to me. People say you have your best thoughts or ideas in the shower (hello! archimedes!) , I don’t think these are my best thoughts but rather me trying to justify how someone who doesn’t like school is going to teach high schoolers. Oh boy, this’ll be a hard sell. Hopefully I come across as different and innovative and not  like I’m a slacker whose students will fail because I don’t like school either. Wish me luck as I go tell the school system why a fool like myself should be left in charge of the success of  16 year olds. thanks bye.

Students are tired of hearing words that mean nothing. Tired of the typical teacher who loves loves loves learning and hopes to inspire her students. While this is great for that teacher and the students who already do love learning, it abandons the others. I am that other student who did not love school. Sure there were teachers that I liked and social aspects that I liked but in all of my years of schooling, with some of the best, most passionate teachers, I did not fall in love with learning. Perhaps it is because I’m rather high energy and sometimes have trouble focusing, perhaps it is due to the teacher only teaching to one learning style, perhaps it is because it is so very difficult to reach each child. I’ve known that I was meant to be a teacher for a very long time. I fought it at first because I’m not passionate about learning or can’t wait to go sit in a desk for hours, learning about a subject that I don’t care about. My school principal and subsequent boss kept pushing me, telling me that I have it in me, that I can do great things, innovative things in this career. I didn’t want to see it, but I knew in my heart that this is exactly what I am meant to do. I didn’t try to deny it because I don’t care or because I don’t want my students to succeed. I denied it for that very reason. I knew I was different from other teachers. I knew that school was not my favorite pastime as a child nor an adult. I knew that sitting in a desk, listening to a teacher ramble on about a subject that I didn’t care about, was not what I wanted my career to look like. But I knew that this was God’s plan for me.

It took me until I was a junior in college to learn how to sit and focus in a classroom. It took until I was in college to realize that I need to approach my students with sympathy and by being relatable. I know that school or Spanish or math is not every student’s passion and drive because I went through it. Now, this does not mean that I am lazy and in turn does not mean that my students will be lazy. I will set that bar high and expect that they reach it and they will. While I am sympathetic, I will not allow any one of my students to whine or complain but rise to their expectations and exceed them. My students will discover who they are as individuals, in the classroom and with others. It took me until my last years of college to learn how to focus in class, what learning styles work for me and how I can use this as an advantage in the classroom. I want to use my struggles in school to show my students that it is okay to not be in love with school but that does not mean that you do not have to try. My class will not be easy, they will grow academically, personally and socially. The day will be filled with activity that incorporates all of the different learning styles. They will come into the classroom prepared to learn about the subject and themselves which are two aspects that will develop concurrently. I will change the way my students think, the way they study and the way they approach life outside of the classroom. It’s going to be a journey. I hope you are ready.

I’m 20 Years Old And Still Get Homesick

I’m 20 years old and still get homesick all the time. Today marked the end of winter break and the harsh reality of real life. I literally hate going back to school so much. I dread it. When I’m here and in a routine I feel fine, it’s getting that routine started again that’s hard. I love my friends here and being around my family too much causes arguments (we put the fun in dysfunctional). Anyways, I always have to adjust back to life at college and it’s never a fun nor tearless adjustment. Wow this is like a way emotional post, so sorry about that but as I said in the beginning of my blogging, this is my public diary so basically you signed up to read this. Lolol. Ok, back to what I was saying (I’m pretty sure I’m adhd or something because I can never stay on task and my attention span is 3 seconds. Like I seriously need to get it together). Anyways, I was already homesick before I even left home. How lame. I even cried saying goodbye to our puppy even though I’ll see her in like a month. Maybe it’s just because I have such a great and fun family who I love. There is always something going on and lots of people to talk to back home but then when I’m at college I come home to one roommate and a cat. It’s just not the same. I mean obviously it’s not going to be the same. Also our apartment is always 5 fucking degrees and it pisses me off. So here I am huddled next to the heater, writing. And I haven’t even looked at if I have any assignments due this week. I’m a mess. I’m pretty much always a little bit of a mess but I think I am especially right now. Hi I’m Raina and I’m a mess.      I did go to a friends house and watch the bachelor which basically means us gossiping and then every now and then saying something to the effect of “wow what a slut” or “that bitch is so annoying” good times. Good times. 

     Stay tuned for more random night thoughts with Raina. Okie bye. 

P.S. Have any of you experienced things like this or am I just being a baby?