Get ready for another all-too-real entry of Raina’s journal that I’m sharing because, well actually I’m not sure why I’m sharing it. Maybe just to say that I’m real. I’m human. I have doubts. I get jealous. I just want the attention of the world ok. Is that too much to ask?
I live in an almost constant state of jealousy. I want to be the center of attention at all times. I want my phone to be ringing off the hook with all of the people who want to hang out with me. I want to have a circle of people around me at all times, keeping me company and laughing at my jokes. Seeing two friends hanging out without me can send me into a tailspin. Not outwardly of course because I’m a classy woman with self control (not). But it distracts me from whatever i am doing. even if i could not have hung out anyways, I still want to be invited. I want them to be snapchatting me, saying that they wished I was there. I want them to be face timing me because I can’t be there in person. Why am I like this? IDK. Is it normal? IDK. Am i just super self involved and want to be the center of attention? Most likely
I’m not sure why I’m even writing this or if I’ll publish it. Perhaps it is triggered by the presence of social media and everything being sugarcoated and plastered on snapchat and instagram. Either way, I want your love and I want it now
The attention whore formally known as Raina
I’m 20 years old and still get homesick all the time. Today marked the end of winter break and the harsh reality of real life. I literally hate going back to school so much. I dread it. When I’m here and in a routine I feel fine, it’s getting that routine started again that’s hard. I love my friends here and being around my family too much causes arguments (we put the fun in dysfunctional). Anyways, I always have to adjust back to life at college and it’s never a fun nor tearless adjustment. Wow this is like a way emotional post, so sorry about that but as I said in the beginning of my blogging, this is my public diary so basically you signed up to read this. Lolol. Ok, back to what I was saying (I’m pretty sure I’m adhd or something because I can never stay on task and my attention span is 3 seconds. Like I seriously need to get it together). Anyways, I was already homesick before I even left home. How lame. I even cried saying goodbye to our puppy even though I’ll see her in like a month. Maybe it’s just because I have such a great and fun family who I love. There is always something going on and lots of people to talk to back home but then when I’m at college I come home to one roommate and a cat. It’s just not the same. I mean obviously it’s not going to be the same. Also our apartment is always 5 fucking degrees and it pisses me off. So here I am huddled next to the heater, writing. And I haven’t even looked at if I have any assignments due this week. I’m a mess. I’m pretty much always a little bit of a mess but I think I am especially right now. Hi I’m Raina and I’m a mess. I did go to a friends house and watch the bachelor which basically means us gossiping and then every now and then saying something to the effect of “wow what a slut” or “that bitch is so annoying” good times. Good times.
Stay tuned for more random night thoughts with Raina. Okie bye.
P.S. Have any of you experienced things like this or am I just being a baby?